we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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