please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
