No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
