The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
