Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
