I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
