Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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