EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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