Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
