I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
one might say we're banned from that church
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Randomize
