Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There r osticjed everywhere
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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