You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
