hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
