When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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