Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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