Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
