So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
