i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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