just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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