just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
