He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
