get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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