How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
