good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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