I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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