I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
