First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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