i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
