My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
