i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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