quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
