I hate all girls vehemently.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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