I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
