party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
