You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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