I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
