yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
