I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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