Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
