I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
