My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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