Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
