this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
