just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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