you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
