Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
