Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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