A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
