Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
