you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
