I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
