Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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